In olden times, at a difficult time..
in a mall I trolled…
But with e-comm online
I just sit there pretty, and scroll….
I was as usual watching the re-runs of SatC, and the ‘zsa zsa zoe’ episode was running, my husband points out (since I make him suffer through those re-runs daily, humoring that goes on in the show is his only resort) – for you this ‘zsa zsa zoe’ feeling doesn’t exist right ? or you’ve probably just lost that kind of feeling for fashionandyou or something *laughs*
‘zsa zsa zoe’ was the term used by Carrie Bradshaw of SatC, for a certain feeling of being in love with someone so much as to have butterflies in your stomach, be nervous .. and those sort of works!
The reason why my hubby cracked that joke on me was because he has found no sparks in me like it is expected out of an newly wed (or what he knows about a normal girl). He isn’t wrong actually. On an average, India breeds women with dreams of a perfect marriage, she will be assumed to be very nervous for her first encounter with dear husband, be loving and shy in most aspects. It would be normal for her to react immaturely to the usual problems of a new relationship, specially with a new person, in a new home. Marriage is her only encounter at all, any other kind of relationship in her life is a taboo. Post-marriage hanky-panky isn’t relevant to my point here. A pre-marriage relationship however, oh well.. lets not refer to it like that. sounds so crime-like! So in case you happen to be in any kind of serious relationships which did not turn into marriage, so even when you find the butterflies passé, you will require to hold a kind of veil on it, not all the time, but in some places for sure. And not for anybody else, but for your ease to handle, this life in a country like India.
I wouldn’t say I face a strained relationship with him, or he does, but he doesn’t give much a shite about whether I’m the shy type first-timers or not, that is why we are here. However, apart from that, my point here is about how we are supposed to have a certain interest and excitement to be in a new relationship, where you have actually forgotten yourself, you think of someone above you, so much so that you wait, decide, think ..in terms of the other person. I agree, this is what a marriage is like, and it should be. Love is self-less. But I admit, I do not fulfill those clauses as much till now, I try, but there is certain selfishness I retain, a certain lost-into-myself aura, which somehow I feel is my strength..keeps me together, in touch with myself.
Bleh.. I’m in no mood to get spiritual here. To be precise, love, the concept, bores me. to death. I’ve always thought and believed love was a decision to make. You decide to be in love, or step out. What you feel inside you, an attraction or longing may just be circumstantial, and no body stops you from acting over those feelings, so do them, but don’t ever fool yourself to be actually allowing yourself to be carried away to make decisions like, well.. Love. My bluntness does not mean I’m not in love. I do mushy stuff, but as a joke 🙂 but with that humor is how I show love.
However, I was talking about what makes butterflies in my stomach jump. As far as I remember from old times, it was some teenage time when the idea of love could have made me feel that. It is the fetish for material things now. I do not get why women make such a fuss about entering 30s, all of them, and mind you, all of those cool and wise women out there are or beyond that golden age! You will never hear a 24 something speaking anything wise or even the witty quotes.
Often my man asks me ‘what is with you girls and shoes and all these clothes!’ – that is happiness, in its rights. For we have realized the key, it is not others you find the answers to life, it is in yourself. When you dream to fall in love, first remember to be in love with yourself. And not necessarily it has be about looking good, that is just a customized interest with some of us.